Learning from Yom Kippur
3 years ago
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Today is one of those days. No, I don't mean that in a bad way for once! It is one of those absolutely beautiful perfect summer days where it is not too warm or cool, sunny with little cottonball clouds amidst a bright blue sky, trees of green and wildflowers lining the drive into work. It is one of those days - the kind where there is no doubt God is smiling on us despite the aching headache, late work night and rushed day. It's a day where you can't help smiling no matter the other little glitches. I can definitely take more of those!
Today comes after another day where things didn't start off so great, but then, everything started lining up. If you've ever seen Just My Luck (and I'm a little ashamed to say I watched it on tv the other night), I felt a little like lucky Ashley. Sure, I missed the priest by five minutes when I went down to the Solanus Casey Center, but there's always tomorrow. And yes, my computer was giving me all kinds of headaches as I was trying to finish a project for work, but there were creative ways around it. And sure, the travel-wedding dress I took in to get altered ended up being two sizes too big. Always a good thing except when they tell you it will cost just as much to alter the dress as you paid to buy it. And yet, they offered me a size exchange for a dress that was of equal value which, at the end of the day, I like even better than the one I'd originally bought - and it doesn't need any alterations! Now, you can't get much better than that as a bride to be, let me tell you. Are there other headaches (literal and proverbial)? Um, sure - that's life. All in all, not so bad a day, especially once the project was all complete and set at the end of the night...and I mean the end.
Yes, that led to a bit of sluggishness this morning as I headed out for appointments and work, but it was worth the effort to not have to worry about it through the day. Unfortunately, I also received a phone call first thing in the morning from a friend, early enough that I had to check the message immediately since I'd missed the initial call. Sure enough, it was not good news, which is what I figured from the "early" hour of the phone call - my friends know before 9 a.m. is not my best time of day....make that 10 a.m.! It turned out that her father had passed away suddenly the night before, and I was the one she thought of to call, both for prayer and to let everyone know. This makes friend #2 who has called me to be the point of contact for such news.
Now, some may get a complex. I admit, even I wondered why I was the one they chose, aside from the fact that my own father died while I was still in college. That wondering turned to quite a bit of humility in the end - that they would think of me to trust with that news and to do what was necessary is actually an honor. I can only hope that my prayer and response brings a little peace to an otherwise tumultous time. For FriendG I hope that I can be a better friend as she works through the loss, and for KFriend, I pray that I might let God use me as he chooses and not shy away from my own brokenness.
All in all, a pretty blessed week so far...
It'd been a crummy week so far. Partly it's the February funk, and partly, it's things I can't even put words to, or shouldn't in public. Tonight, as much as I did NOT want to leave the house, I had to, and I'm glad I did.
I had a lovely dinner with a friend, where we tried to sort through and solve all our problems which really only resulted in laughter. Then I ran into Anna Bahnahnah, my World Youth Day roomie, who I hadn't seen in a very long while which was quite a lot of fun. I got prayed over without asking, which I needed. I had a nice long hour of prayer, which I needed. And on the way home, I saw fireworks. Sure, it's the middle of February and there's no reason anyone would set off fireworks, but there they were. And they made me smile in the midst of trying to sort out some things that made me uneasy.
It's nice when the little things catch you by surprise and bring a smile to your face...God is good.
I had a lovely dinner with a friend, where we tried to sort through and solve all our problems which really only resulted in laughter. Then I ran into Anna Bahnahnah, my World Youth Day roomie, who I hadn't seen in a very long while which was quite a lot of fun. I got prayed over without asking, which I needed. I had a nice long hour of prayer, which I needed. And on the way home, I saw fireworks. Sure, it's the middle of February and there's no reason anyone would set off fireworks, but there they were. And they made me smile in the midst of trying to sort out some things that made me uneasy.
It's nice when the little things catch you by surprise and bring a smile to your face...God is good.
Ever have one of those days that just starts out so strangely that you have an odd feeling you can't shake all day? That's life today... I've had a hard time putting my finger on what exactly has been gnawing at me. Is it fear? Kind of. Is it sadness? A little. But it's not really any one emotion, I suppose - just a very unsettled feeling.
It could well just be the fact that I was awoken by the fighting of my neighbors this morning well before my usual moment to rise and shine, and the fact that the drama continued for hours into the day. I think as far as that goes, it's more the internal struggle of what my role is as their physical neighbor. On the one hand, I don't want to get involved - it really is not my business. But on the other hand, I feel called to do something. It just doesn't seem right to sit next door and listen to it all happen. I'm at a loss, truly, and maybe that is where the bit of sadness comes from.
Part of me also wonders how long life can be as good as it has been. I know, I know, God is good and unbelievably gracious, so it can continue to be good for far longer than I can imagine. And certainly, my perspective on the "good life" has changed over the years! Still, perhaps it is from watching another's life fall apart, but it begins to shake my faith in what I know of life.
I suppose these are the moments in which prayer is the only way out, moments where all you can do is rest in Jesus and realize that it is out of your own hands, and in His, and that is ultimately more satisfying than anything else. Still the fear remains, feeding on years of old bad habits of doubt and self-loathing. It's a comfort to know that the saintliest of saints had the same doubts. I know that it comes from a place that is not of God, and they say knowing is half the battle.
So as I lay down my weary head tonight, I pray that the morning will chase away the darkness of fear and sadness. A new dawn brings a new spirit of hope, and I just pray that others may begin to know the hope that lies in a faith in Christ. I can't imagine living in this world without that faith to be my rock.
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that
I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire
in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I
may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be
lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"
