Yes, yes, I know it has been what seems like eons since my last post. It's just not been a month where I've felt reflective at all. Rather, ever since the now infamous ailment, I've been batting away the urge to withdraw completely. Between a hectic schedule, seasonal allergies, and a house that just won't stay clean, I can't say that life has lent itself to much contemplation. Every time I sit down to reflect on things, it seems that I end up at the wrong end of a dark alley.

That's not to say that life hasn't been filled with blessings. I recently celebrated my birthday, and though the day itself was frought with the chaos of life, the event left me in awe of the generous souls in my life who share their love and care with me. Unfortunately, this has not in any way, shape or form increased my desire to add any extroverted time to my schedule and actually coordinate a gathering or party. Sorry, dear friends, but I think this year will have to go uncelebrated en mass. Other blessings abound as well, as I am still very happily employed, showered in love, and at this moment, in good health!

Even so, I discover that at times like this, where I am unable to let go and surrender to the quiet to attain a bit of divine serenity, the negative forces around me well up within like a geyser waiting to explode. Luckily, I'm at least now able to contain those explosive moments to the solitude of my own home. Nonetheless, they leave me remorseful. I wonder if my irritation with another's condescension is simply an incongruity in personality traits or my own pride unable to let go of the need to be in control. And is another's wavering commitments really the issue, or is it rather my own selfishness leading to an inability to "go with the flow"?

In the end, I find that I am perhaps just tired, mired in the mundane repetitious duties of the "adult life," waiting for those moments that take my breath away (and there truly are many), hoping I am able to notice them through the clouds that may be lurking.

But for now, I'm off to work...