My Life as a Rakstar

Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down...

2009-09-08T10:40:00.004-04:00

...to say nothing of misty days and Tuesdays? Ok, that's not actually true. Sure, my first thought was...ugh, morning...and gloomy. But as I was driving into work, the misty gray sky and slight drizzle begin to have a certain appeal. Of course, I would have preferred that appeal on a day slightly cooler and across the Pond...there's just something about the mist and smell of a peat moss fire that is uber-comforting...

As much as I would have loved to get a picture of this misty morning, I thought it best not to snap while driving with my new phone and droopy eyelids. Instead, here's a picture from my trip across the Pond. You see why I might like it better than a misty metro-Detroit morning....

Birthday Blues...

2009-09-05T10:33:00.007-04:00

They say it's my birthday. And so far, I am rather unimpressed. Well, sure, it is only mid-morning, but let's just say I am remaining a skeptic. Far gone are the days of being excited for the impending party, the pile of presents, and the pizza and cake. It's just that everything in life gets more complicated when you're older...even birthdays.

The age old question still gets asked: "What do you want for your birthday?" The trouble is, at this point in my life, if I really tell you, you'll just get offended. What do I want? I'd like a day to myself, where I can just relax, sit in silence if I want, rock out to music if I want, get pampered if I want, choose to hang out with whomever I choose if I want, without the drama of explaining why I chose who I chose...a day where the demands of life are just erased. I'd like a day where I do not need to perform, do not need to be nice when I want to scream, do not need to satiate other people's desires of being useful and 'thoughtful' by attending things I don't even want to go to. I'd like to actually sincerely be asked what I would like instead of being told what I will like because someone else feels a need to be thoughtful and generous and give me something I don't even want because it makes them feel better.

Now, I must interject in my own ranting to say that I do have two very memorable birthdays from my adulthood.* The first was my 20th birthday where my best friends in college threw me a surprise party in my own apartment. I know - rather amusing, right? For my "gift" they cleaned my apartment (really they were just getting it ready, unbeknownst to me), and one of them took me to dinner while the other "already had plans." She sure did! Very low key, but so very thoughtful... The other was a few years ago...possibly my 1st anniversary of my 30th birthday. My best friends arranged for us to stay in a jacuzzi suite at a hotel, had a masseuse come in, and arranged for our fourth member to show up to take us to dinner and a movie. Again, totally low-key, but the most fun I've had at a birthday in many years - I even got a handmade, storybook birthday card from Mr. BirthdaySkeptic himself!

Now, I'm sure in the years to come, things will change. I'll appreciate the quiet times with my own family, new ways of celebrating and giving...but for now, this year, I remain unimpressed. Perhaps it's just the stress of the many things going on in my life right now. The wedding is two weeks away, we've just been told they are cutting our full staff by 77 and everyone must re-apply for jobs, my mom is staying with me until the week before the wedding... Perhaps it is just all of those things together that make me want to run and hide. That, however, is not my fate for today. For today, it is just another day for me, though to everyone else it may seem something special to say it is my birthday...

So this year, dear BirthdaySkeptic, I agree with your earthly revolutionary theories. There - there is YOUR belated birthday present...or early Christmas present - you pick! :)

*I should mention it is really 2 and a half memorable birthdays. For my 25th, my friends made a valiant effort to work with my mom from afar to plan a fun surprise party. Unfortunately, my mom decided to hire a limo w/o asking/telling me (I get carsick) and they lied to me about where we were eating. Never mess with this girl when it comes to food! All in all, not quite a great birthday, but I very much appreciated the effort by my friends...

Stop! In the name of God...

2009-09-02T13:20:00.002-04:00

Have I mentioned that there are orange barrels in my way all over the place?? Well, as I pulled into a church parking lot to make a u-turn to remedy the fact that the orange barrels were obstructing my ability to make the turn I needed to make, this is what God provided me. I'm sure He thinks He is quite humorous. I tend to agree this time... ;)

No Crisp Apple Strudel for Me!

2009-09-02T13:12:00.005-04:00

...just give me vivid clouds at sunset!

The Photo Ten Years in the Making!!

2009-09-02T13:07:00.003-04:00

For ten years, I have driven into the back lot of the parish where my office now sits, and every spring thought - I have got to get a picture of those sheep! Yes, there is a sheep farm right next to the church in the middle of the city. Of course, this didn't always used to be city - the university across the way used to be a farm after all... So finally, after a decade (yikes - I've lived here a full decade!), I have captured a version of the photo I have always wanted. It's not quite the way my mind's camera captured it, but it will certainly do for now! BAAAAAAA!!!!

Backtracking....

2009-09-02T12:57:00.002-04:00

Holy moly - has it really almost been a month since I've been here? It's been a busy and slightly disarrayed time in this Blogger household. The home improvements are currently on-hold and furniture has been assembled. Most trips are now out of the way, and we're heading full steam toward wedding day!

What have I been up to? Oh...no worries - there are pictures to come. I've been snapping, just no time for the uploading until now. So hold onto your eyes...well, they should be attached...and here we go!

Is it ironic that the alert level is Orange right now?

2009-08-24T13:01:00.000-04:00

...'cause that is still all I see! FlyGirl keeps texting me pictures of her adventures in the midst of orange barrels too! Well, in my last rant about the land of orange, I said I'd take my own pictures, so here they are!

I'm so glad to see they are working so very hard!

Now, this was in Ann Arbor.
I wonder if the barrels in Lansing say "Wolverine?"

Lurking Shadows in this Land of Orange

2009-08-18T21:50:00.003-04:00

Did you have images of the Wizard of Oz and the multicolor ponies? No? Good. That was sooo not where I was going.

The Land of Orange would be this lovely metro-area I live in. Finster and I wrote an Ode to MDOT once - I wish I could find it now. (MDOT for those not from the area is the Michigan Department of Transportation. I contend it should be MDOLT - 'cause the transportation has been plain ol' Lousy!)

(This photo is from the MLIVE website. Though I could have driven two minutes and taken my own picture, quite frankly, I was just too lazy to do so. Perhaps one day I will replace it with my own rendition...don't hold your breath though - blue isn't a good color for you.)

It seems we cannot get from here to there without an orange barrel surfacing. If they were truly working on a whole stretch of road, I would be somewhat understanding (though I still maintain that they do not need to be working on multiple major thoroughfares at once - but what do I know?). Unfortunately, as you drive down the orange barrel lined roads, the sight of burly men at work is ... well ... few and far between. I say that with disappointment not because I enjoy the sight of construction workers, but rather because I dislike the inconvenience of closed lanes where no work is being done.

I am sure my friends in construction could give me multiple reasons why such closures are necessary. To them, I say "Poppycock!" I, of course, am not 100% sure what that means.

Amidst this sea of orange, it seems too that lately all I hear is more bad news. More people losing jobs, sick parents and grandparents, losing loved ones, troubled pregnancies, yadda yadda yadda... Even in the excitement of an impending wedding, all this news can cast a gloomy shadow on things - it can even drain my energy and has from time to time. No worries, though, every shadow has the sun behind it, and I know that all this too shall pass. With so many blessings in my life, the evil one is sure to try to muck it up with a little darkness in the shadows, but I know who's on my side. To all those with the cares of the world on their shoulders, myself included some days - I say give it all up to the only one who has conquered the world. Jesus - it's all yours!

The One Where They Demolished then Created...

2009-08-13T23:23:00.000-04:00

...and that is what this episode of our own version of Friends would be called. Well, minus the floor sander, perhaps this episode was kind of already done, only I didn't inherit a stinky boy apartment. I'm just renovating before the hubby-to-be becomes the hubby-who-moves-in!

FlyGirl came over last night to help rip out the last of the carpet that covered the hardwood floors in my house. The room that was the office...er, storage/office, is now uncovered and waiting for furniture to become the office/guest room until we have need for an office/nursery. Yes, the office will remain in place. Once you understand that the "office" is a desk and some supplies in the closet, it makes it less strange I hope!

As payment for her hard work, I made dinner, and as usually happens, we caught a few episodes of Friends in syndication (because we all know you can catch an episode just about anytime, anywhere) while we were on our dinner break. After finishing up in the office, taking the rolls of carpet and other demolition trash outside to the curb, we set out to be a little less destructive and a little more creative.

Earlier in the day we'd been looking at fancy-schmancy headbands that FlyGirl could possibly wear in our wedding now that she has shorter hair that won't go up. After surfing a few sites and realizing that the bridal business is a veritable racket we couldn't afford, we were inspired to create our own line of headwear. So we threw on "America's Got Talent" (which after watching the show for the first time I find to be questionable), and away we went!

...now we just need models to show them off in style!

All in all, not a bad night of destroying and creating, of creating and destroying....

Cottonballs and Broken Cords

2009-08-11T23:05:00.002-04:00

So, I've had a few things to upload over the last couple of days, more photos from a day in the life, interesting experiences, but well, one of those experiences kept me unplugged...literally! I was working on the office in my home (painting and clearing the room to pull out the carpet), when I unplugged the computer from the power strip. In doing so, the prong on the cord actually snapped. I'd never imagined that was possible. In the interest of not completely frying the laptop, I decided to use the computer for work only, preserving what battery life I had, while I ordered another adapter (second one, mind you). Luckily, thanks to a HS/FB friend, I spent much less on this one NOT going through Best Buy...best tip I've gotten all year! ;)

Long story...well...long, I'm back in business! The weather has been warmer and more humid than I like, but the sky has been just beautiful in the mixture of the perfect cottonball clouds and sunlight. So, here are a few sky-pix from the past week...

(Just in case you were concerned, rest assured I was not actually driving while these photos were snapped with my phone. I was at a stoplight for two and in a parking lot stopped at a stop sign for the other!)

The Apple of My Eye...

2009-08-09T00:15:00.002-04:00

Or, rather...the sassy apple as I like to call it!

Seriously - is this apple not sticking it's tongue out at me?!?
Little sassafrass fruit snack...

Longing for Autumn...

2009-08-08T23:47:00.023-04:00

Every now and then, I go back through all my photo files, and realize one of the downfalls of being the shutterbug I am is forgetting some of the pictures I have taken. This evening I took a stroll down photo lane and discovered a store of photos from our last Fall Retreat. I love autumn, with its rich and vibrant colors, to the cool breeze...and having a retreat on Lake Huron just adds to its charm. Seeing these makes me look forward to autumn, though I realize this year I have new adventures to look forward to...

The colors of autumn...

Life's a beach...or on the beach...

Luck be a lady...bug...

A beloved park bench...

Ye Olde Insomniac

2009-08-08T00:41:00.001-04:00

I admit it. I am old. Well, older than I was at any rate. ChiquitaBanana had a party tonight, and I was gleefully planning on arriving around 7:30 and leaving by 10...until on the phone with FlyGirl, when I realized I should check the party details. Much to my dismay, the party did not even start until 9. Upon learning this, I was truthfully disappointed.

Although I've been having trouble sleeping (and no, it is not because I am blogging in the wee hours of the morning. I'm blogging because I can't sleep!), I must admit I have long looked forward to being home by 9 or 10, getting into my pajamas and just relaxing. I am no longer the MadameSocialButterfly I used to be by any means, as Hombre and I were discussing at ChiquitaBanana's. Long gone are the days where if a party started at 9, we'd show up at 11 and possibly stay 'til the sun came up the next morning. Those were indeed glorious days, and perhaps we can relive them on rare occasion.

Mostly, though, I'd rather curl up on the couch with a good book or some reruns...possibly a good movie if one is on tv, because even deciding on a movie to put in the DVD player is too much effort at night. I think one of the things I am most looking forward to about marriage is having someone to share that downtime with...and maybe someone to make the decision about the movie, though my MonsterMan might not always get his pick.

And now...off to try to cure that insomnia with some sleep.

(All names have been changed to protect the innocent. I kind of figured you might have guessed that, but hey - I don't want to make assumptions. I am not really marrying a monster.)

Life's Just a Bowl of Cherries...

2009-08-07T19:27:00.005-04:00

...or orchards full of cherries in our case!

(roadside stand on Mission Peninsula in Michigan)

(thanks for the pic setup, Sparkle!)

Let Them Eat Cake!

2009-08-07T19:18:00.007-04:00

Ok, Cake Boss I am not. But...I gave ye olde cakeistry (cake artistry) a try and this is what I came up with. It's been dubbed the Alamo, a Mayan temple, and what it actually was supposed to be...a sandcastle. Yes, in hindsight, I would have focused less on how to include the pudding moat, and more on structural design. Well, it is what it is - it was tasty, that's for sure! Of course, I'm still finding crumbs of cake and "sand" all over the house...mental note for next time, design in a box... Next time, it's on cakeists, it's on...

No worries Z-head and JoJo...I'm not gunning for your business - you're leaps ahead of me!

Never Tempt the Temptor

2009-08-06T14:33:00.004-04:00

For as much as I was glowing the blessings of the past few days, today's little 'glitches' remind me to not get too comfortable. Between network outages, headache inspiring conversations, spilled soup (thank goodness it wasn't milk or I'd have to cry!), it's been a day! And that was after going to confession and a brief moment of adoration. As we fight our way to Jesus, Lord knows that the devil fights us even harder.

It's sure a good thing that there were moments of consolation in prayer this morning, where the voice of God began to answer some prayerful questions I'd been asking (ok, ok, pestering) Him with forever. And as I look out the window while I work, it seems that the sun is shining and it is another beautiful summer day. Now if only those pesky animals that helped Snow White clean the dwarves' house would come and clean mine...

Apparently, I'm more of a Cinderella than a Snow White for now. ;-)

Just My Luck, Summer Perfection & Reaping Grim

2009-08-05T16:52:00.005-04:00

Today is one of those days. No, I don't mean that in a bad way for once! It is one of those absolutely beautiful perfect summer days where it is not too warm or cool, sunny with little cottonball clouds amidst a bright blue sky, trees of green and wildflowers lining the drive into work. It is one of those days - the kind where there is no doubt God is smiling on us despite the aching headache, late work night and rushed day. It's a day where you can't help smiling no matter the other little glitches. I can definitely take more of those!

Today comes after another day where things didn't start off so great, but then, everything started lining up. If you've ever seen Just My Luck (and I'm a little ashamed to say I watched it on tv the other night), I felt a little like lucky Ashley. Sure, I missed the priest by five minutes when I went down to the Solanus Casey Center, but there's always tomorrow. And yes, my computer was giving me all kinds of headaches as I was trying to finish a project for work, but there were creative ways around it. And sure, the travel-wedding dress I took in to get altered ended up being two sizes too big. Always a good thing except when they tell you it will cost just as much to alter the dress as you paid to buy it. And yet, they offered me a size exchange for a dress that was of equal value which, at the end of the day, I like even better than the one I'd originally bought - and it doesn't need any alterations! Now, you can't get much better than that as a bride to be, let me tell you. Are there other headaches (literal and proverbial)? Um, sure - that's life. All in all, not so bad a day, especially once the project was all complete and set at the end of the night...and I mean the end.

Yes, that led to a bit of sluggishness this morning as I headed out for appointments and work, but it was worth the effort to not have to worry about it through the day. Unfortunately, I also received a phone call first thing in the morning from a friend, early enough that I had to check the message immediately since I'd missed the initial call. Sure enough, it was not good news, which is what I figured from the "early" hour of the phone call - my friends know before 9 a.m. is not my best time of day....make that 10 a.m.! It turned out that her father had passed away suddenly the night before, and I was the one she thought of to call, both for prayer and to let everyone know. This makes friend #2 who has called me to be the point of contact for such news.

Now, some may get a complex. I admit, even I wondered why I was the one they chose, aside from the fact that my own father died while I was still in college. That wondering turned to quite a bit of humility in the end - that they would think of me to trust with that news and to do what was necessary is actually an honor. I can only hope that my prayer and response brings a little peace to an otherwise tumultous time. For FriendG I hope that I can be a better friend as she works through the loss, and for KFriend, I pray that I might let God use me as he chooses and not shy away from my own brokenness.

All in all, a pretty blessed week so far...

Photobuggin...

2009-08-05T12:16:00.007-04:00

I sometimes wish my eyes were attached to cameras. It is so often that I see something and think "Wow! That would make a cool picture!" and yet there is no camera nearby or the moment has passed too quickly. Yes, yes, the memory and the experience are my own internal "camera" of sorts, I know. I can hear Bishop Flores in my head from his address to us at World Youth Day telling us to be sure to capture the moment in our minds and hearts as well as on film. But seriously, sometimes I just want to take a picture, and it would be far easier if the camera were attached to my eyes and clicked on command.

For those who know me, they might say I'm a wee bit of a photobug. Ok, they might use a different word than "wee." I enjoy the capture of an emotion, a moment, and sometimes just little things that you don't think to capture everyday. On a recent trip, I apparently began to take the term "photobug" too literally in some people's estimation...I think I got a couple interesting shots. You be the judge!

PPZ, Charity on the Road and Procrastination Station!

2009-07-31T15:09:00.004-04:00

I am in the midst of reading Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, and I must say I am in a state of perplexity. I'm not quite sure whether to be grossly horrified (and I do not use the word "grossly" lightly!), or brilliantly amused. At times it seems as though the author has created a web-bot into which you place the novel and out comes zombified language to substitute for the phrases of Austen-ian England. At other times, the writer has intuitively captured the underlying feeling of the characters and interjects some brilliant humor, where before it was only assumed.Elizabeth the Zombie Slayer, my verdict is still out whilst I finish the book. For now, I continue to waver between gasping in shock, and laughing...sometimes also in shock at the looser nature of some of the characters comments.

Now, of course, Elizabeth could come in handy...or rather, perhaps it is a good thing she is not real for it would tempt me to call upon her services driving as of late. I'm not sure if there is something in the air, but I am convinced that drivers have lost all sense of reason. Maybe zombies are to blame, eh Lizzy? Regardless, I find it challenging to maintain a sense of Christian charity as I've been driving. Don't get me wrong - I haven't lost it...yet. But seriously? You are going to be in the far right lane of a three lane exit ramp and then turn your car so it is horizontally blocking two lanes because you have realized you really want to turn left from the right-turn-only lane? SERIOUSLY?? [I do wish I'd been aware enough to snap a pic on my cell phone, but sadly I was not]. Oh, and boat-of-a-station-wagon - no, your car does not gracefully make U-turns in the middle of the road into a left turn lane right in front of me with any ease whatsoever. Please be advised.

Perhaps I am simply exhausted from these antics on the road ... or maybe it's just that I want to finish this book that has captured my attention for some odd reason. Either way, the painting I need to do will just have to wait. Sorry study - you've now reached procrastination station, especially since I've realized that you need to be completed in 4 weeks, not 2. My apologies.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

The Rakstar is Baaack!

2009-07-30T23:19:00.011-04:00

Yes, I know it was a LOOOONG break, but like I said, I am not one who keeps a journal well. I've learned over the past few months that perhaps it isn't so much that I don't have the ability to keep up with a journal, but rather that perhaps I have to alter my perceptions of what that journal should look like.

In my mind, I aspire to keep a record of deep thoughts and profound experiences, waxing philosophical on life, unrooting the mysteries of theology and sharing them with the world. Well, in reality I think it is safe to say my profound moments come in blips and images rather than verbose, inspiring prose like Monster Friend. I guess I'm just going to have to learn to love who I am and go with it.

What does that mean for this blog? More photos, less babble! Well, more photos at least...it's a definite fact that I tend to photograph those things that intrigue me...whether it be ice cream flavors clearly designed to prey on emotional women,

(really, Edy's? Eating away our emotions?)

or cats laying with their legs hanging off the table like a child...ok, maybe not exactly like a child, but still intriguing to me!

So stay tuned for more pictures from the life of this Rakstar, and the occasional prose when the Spirit strikes. :)

God bless and good night!!

The Little Things

2009-02-20T23:35:00.004-05:00

It'd been a crummy week so far. Partly it's the February funk, and partly, it's things I can't even put words to, or shouldn't in public. Tonight, as much as I did NOT want to leave the house, I had to, and I'm glad I did.

I had a lovely dinner with a friend, where we tried to sort through and solve all our problems which really only resulted in laughter. Then I ran into Anna Bahnahnah, my World Youth Day roomie, who I hadn't seen in a very long while which was quite a lot of fun. I got prayed over without asking, which I needed. I had a nice long hour of prayer, which I needed. And on the way home, I saw fireworks. Sure, it's the middle of February and there's no reason anyone would set off fireworks, but there they were. And they made me smile in the midst of trying to sort out some things that made me uneasy.

It's nice when the little things catch you by surprise and bring a smile to your face...God is good.

Life is But a Dream?

2009-02-18T17:04:00.002-05:00

I've been in Chicago over the past few days at a conference with people from around the country who are part of a network of retreats offered by a ministry partner in Chicago. First, may I just say, I love Chicago. There is just something about the place - vibrant, eclectic, walkable....it was nice to be somewhere I could just walk a few minutes to get somewhere rather than always having to be in my car. Detroit is feeling stale right now, but I'm not sure whether it's the place or my own state of mind.

This brings me back to a particular experience over the past couple of days that has me a little troubled. We were being asked to envision the future - I'm usually good at that. I love looking at the bigger picture and seeing the vision of what could be and then reflecting and praying on what should be of that. Yet, when asked to dream without limits - I came up blank. Now, I can excuse part of that being that we're a brand new partner and I am not sure my vision is 20/20 when it comes to their programs. Unfortunately, though, part of the reflection included putting ourselves into a scene in Scripture - this particular one was the one with the blind man on the side of the road that is yelling after Jesus to come heal him. Wanna know my role in the scene? I was in the back of the crowd just taking it all in.

For whatever reason, this greatly disturbed me. I wanted to be the blind man screaming after Jesus, knowing what I needed and demanding it. I wanted to be able to answer Jesus's question of what it was that I wanted from Him. Try as I might, I got nothin' but that question to ponder on. Do I no longer have dreams? Or have I become so attuned to the limited reality of what is that I can't dream unabashedly big dreams? Partly, I know that I'm content with where I am and I know there are changes coming that I can't completely anticipate. A new life in marriage, our own new family - all this will bring "freshness" and changes that I can't yet foresee. Should that mean that I can't dream until I know that reality, though?

And what of this stale feeling? It's even more pronounced after returning from the Windy City. I had started off the year with new energy, happy with being refocused at work and in life. Now, though, just a whole lotta staleness...almost feeling stuck. I am left wondering if that's a sign that I need to move onto something new in my life now, or an anticipation of new things to come, or just a period of wanting more that leaves me thirsting for something fresh. As much as those times are a struggle, the simple act of desiring more may lead to something I couldn't now anticipate. So, for now I put all that into my prayer and we'll see what the spring brings.

An Alternate Universe

2009-02-15T12:09:00.003-05:00

Facebook is a funny thing. For so long, I resisted the urge to join. Yet, it is like the Borg it seems - resistance is futile. Like any technology, it's got its pros and cons, but I have to say I do enjoy being able to more easily keep in touch with old friends with little fuss. Heck, it keeps me in touch with current friends, though at times it can also seem stalker-ish. I mean, do people really need to know what I'm doing at any given moment?

The more interesting phenomenon has been the virtual high school reunion. I'm now Facebook friends with a whole host of people I don't think would ever have called me a friend in high school. As we catch up and see what everyone has been up to (and I do think that curiosity perhaps has a lot to do with some of these friendships), I find myself sometimes wondering if I existed on the same planet as them during those years.

Sifting through pictures, realizing how many of them still stay in touch - truly in touch and not just Facebook - I feel a little like I am in an alternate universe. My high school experience was not enjoyable to say the least. I had my little group of friends, and we had fun, but for the most part, my social calendar was not overflowing beyond that. Heck, let's call it what it was - I was a nerd. I knew I was missing out on some of the scene, and I knew that I was different, but other than just wanting out, I made it through.

It wasn't until this Facebook reunion started though, that I realized I lived in a completely different world. Not only did I miss out on many moments - I was never privy to knowing they existed. Dances, parties, trips...heck - some of them even went on to the same college as me and I never knew it. Completely different universe.

Would I change that? I honestly don't know. I'd like to take the mature, high road and say no, because everything that happened before has made me who I am today. Deep down, though, I think there will always be a little part of me that wonders "what if?" What if I had existed in the same reality? Maybe not a part of the same crowd, but maybe not quite so completely removed. And another part of me wonders if my memory just fails me and I knew all this at the time and have blocked it all out because I've moved on to bigger and better things.

Either way, I'm pretty sure those alternate worlds still exist in high schools (and beyond), and that makes me a little sad. In fact, I'm pretty sure the isolation and taunting has only gotten worse if the world-at-large is any indication. Maybe I should be glad I can exist in my own little world where I've moved beyond the hurts of the past and am content with my life, knowing I'm where God has called me to be. Or maybe I should 'fess up' and admit that old hurts don't just die, and give them up to God and be happy that I am content with my life now, knowing I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

Besides, as shiny as their past may seem with my nose against the Facebook window, deep down I am pretty sure we are ALL a bunch of misfits in a crazy world.

Deep Thoughts and Laughter

2009-02-13T12:17:00.001-05:00

I somehow seem to think that I need to get something profound out of every day. In reality, that doesn't always happen, even when I do slow down and spend some quiet time in prayer. Sometimes, my biggest revelation is "hey, at least this day didn't totally suck."

Of course, as I was sitting in Mass yesterday, the thought hit me that I complain and criticize an awful lot - not so much publicly I hope - but enough of it that I know it's something that affects my own perspective. Then the voice of God came to me saying, "Instead of criticizing, pray." Ok, so it wasn't a big booming voice - no James Earl Jones over the loudspeaker - but that quiet whisper when you know the truth of it and still resist it. I mean, is it really complaining, or just venting so you don't dwell on it?? What do you mean I am rationalizing my behavior?

Anyway, so I did have one deep thought. And as much as profundity makes me grow, it's the laughter that soothes the soul. Monster Friend is moving away, and as thrilled as I am for her, I know I will miss the laughter that always ensues. Good thing I have her blog to read!! That got me thinking of the moments I remember over the years, especially as friends from grad school are posting pictures from back in the day, and it is hands down the moments that brought with them laughter. The tears I remember too, don't get me wrong. But the stronger memories are those moments filled with gut-busting laughter, where I'm laughing so hard I'm trying not to pee my pants! Maybe if I laughed more, my gut would bust out smaller....hmmmm....maybe not.

And that brought me back to complaining...well, not actually complaining, but thinking about complaint and criticism. None of it actually moves me forward - the venting may release some steam, but I usually just end up all scrunchy in the end (to use a Phoebe-esque description). I guess that whole "release it into prayer" and move on to something funny (ok, I added the last bit myself - that wasn't so much God) isn't such a bad idea after all.

I Hate Journaling.

2009-02-11T12:06:00.002-05:00

No, I don't mean I dislike it - I seriously hate journaling. Is that even a word? Isn't it just taking a noun, adding the "ing" suffix in the hope of turning it into an activity that millions of people will blindly acquiesce to in the hopes of great self-awareness?? I'd much rather be into lunch-ing. In fact, I am much more into lunch-ing...or dinner-ing...or supper-ing...breakfast-ing takes a little more effort. I digress.

Anyway, back to "journal-ing" - ask my mother. I never kept a real diary. I'd start to, and then I'd lose interest. Diary never wrote back, that jerk. You can only write so many "Dear Diary" letters as a child and just be disappointed that you got nothing from Diary in return. Diary clearly did not like the art of "journal-ing" either.

You can ask my junior high English teacher - I distinctly remember one of my required journal entries being a big...and I mean BIG...picture of a sad face with two words: "Polly died." It was actually a sad thing - a girl in my school had been chosen to perform in the Des Moines ballet performance of the Nutcracker, and on her way to/fro, their car skid on ice and she died from the accident. Instead of writing all this, however, I figured the round sad teary face would say enough. WRONG! I didn't exactly fare well with the grading on that weeks entries let's just say.

Now, we've created the blog-o-sphere in the hopes that dazzling us with lurid not-so-new technologies will make us journal-ing skeptics take to the masses and scream "I've seen the light!" Well, I can tell you that after many failed attempts at keeping a blog on any given topic, BZZZZZZZZZZZ. Wrong answer. It's just electrified, not-so-private, share your thoughts and opinions on anything you like whether you're qualified or not.....journal-ing.

So, why am I here, you ask? I've decided to stop hating blogging. (Even though it, like its paper counterpart, took a noun and made it a verb. Somehow in the electronic format it seems less offensive.) I may still dislike it, but I think what draws me away from it is a lack of discipline. I'd rather just stare senselessly on Facebook for hours than sit and blog for a half hour. So, in my attempts to be more productive and less ... well, let's face it - lazy ... I've started a blog for me. If others read it, well, that's their business. For now, it's my attempt to try to recap my life so I know I'm living one and not just letting things pass by.

Journal-ing...well, I've taken it under re-consideration, and in the interest of being charitable, let's just say the jury is still out.

Are Vacations a Thing of the Past?

2008-06-03T16:17:00.000-04:00

Between scheduling some days off and getting all nostalgic in the last post, I began to think about the great summer vacations of yore...or yesteryear - either sounds like more idyllic times than the giant whirlwind that dominates my appointment book in the present. In fact, I can't think of the last time I even took a real summer vacation. I'm not talking a few days off here and there where I get things done around the house, or have guests - I mean the classic "get in your car, take a roadtrip and don't deal with the 'real world' for at least" a week kind. Ok, ok, I suppose the spring trip to Ireland a couple years ago could challenge that last statement, and maybe the fall cruise 6 years ago, but that was twice in the last 10 years (and technically they weren't "summer" vacations).

Any grand excursions in the past 10 years (minus Ireland & the cruise) have all revolved around my conference schedule. Going to San Francisco for a conference? Great! I'll take an extra day or two to see it. Vancouver, B.C., Orlando, Boston, New York, New Orleans, Dallas, Chicago...all the same. Now don't get me wrong - it's a great way to get to see places and I loved the opportunities, but a vacation it is not.

Have we [and by we, I really mean "I"] gotten so busy that we forget that part of the greatness of life is to actually enjoy it? Working for the Church, it sometimes gets difficult to say no to things, even if they are meetings, because it all somehow feels innately important...as though by missing an opportunity, you are somehow slacking on God's time. Yet, we are not so important that God's work would not get done if we took a little time off. I mean, even HE rested on the 7th day! A friend of mine reminds me that the Church, and Christianity for that matter, will survive without me.

Now I don't intend to extend that to the notion that we don't need to respond to what God calls us to do. As tempting as it seems at times, a vacation from life is not so grand. Knowing me, I'd get terribly bored, in fact. The fact of the matter is this though - the reason we burn out is because we let the candle burn too long...sometimes at both ends! To better shine our light, perhaps we need to give ourselves some room to breathe, and let someone else carry the torch for a while. (I know, I know...that was just a horrifying string of mixed light/fire metaphors)

Needless to say, I haven't mastered yet the balance of giving my all while still making time for the little things in life...including laudry, cleaning and all that jazz. In fact, maybe passing the torch means realizing that I can't find time to do all the household tasks and hiring a cleaning service from time to time when my schedule gets a little nutty. Either way, something's gotta give, as they say, and I'd rather it not be my sanity!

So, rather than get frustrated about not having time to take off to do the things I need or want to do, I suppose I will one day learn to plan ahead and set my limits. After all, it may seem against my nature to not be available when people need to meet, but this girl wouldn't mind the sweet smell of a good old-fashioned, weeklong, get-away-from-the-world summer vacation, either!

Home is Where the Heart Is...what happens when it leaves?

2008-05-28T21:56:00.000-04:00

I was catching up on a friend's blog and ran across this question: "is a home really ever a home after the heart of it has broken?" I had an answer almost immediately: "No...unfortunately it is never the same again. But new places and roles evolve and eventually you find nooks and crannies, but it just isn't home again until one day you create it anew with a different heart to pick up where the other one left off."

It's funny how two people can go through similar experiences, and though it changes each one in distinct and unique ways, there are some universal truths that accompany the experience. Losing a loved one, though it transforms your life uniquely to your situation, still brings with it a certain sense of loss that is uniform throughout the experience.

In some ways, growing up itself leads to those moments of loss...moving away, losing friends, feeling lost. But I think the loss of a parent intensifies that sense of falling away that cannot be equaled...until perhaps the loss of a spouse or child, neither of which I have had. I don't think I've ever been able to put into words until now that feeling of being trapped - trapped in a world that has many corners and crevices in which you belong, and yet at the same time, has no one place where you belong. There are many places to visit, but no one place to dwell.

Even after buying a house that is my "own" "home," that feeling of being a transient has yet to fade. Perhaps, as Friend has pointed out, it is because the heart doesn't quite dwell there yet. Home isn't just about space, furniture, decorating, entertaining or even feng shui. In the end, it is about the experience of sharing one's heart, loving and growing love there. Though I remember distinctly my various bedrooms and the decor changes over the years, some of which got my seal of approval and many of which did not, I do not remember my childhood home for its aesthetics. Sure, I remember the environment, but it is the memories from that environment...many of them creating the enivronment...but the memories nonetheless that still tug at my heart and bring a tear to my eye.

It is the kitchen window aptly placed so mom could spray dad with the sink hose while he was in the garden. It is the seafoam green walls that I hated that held the sanctuary of my parent's bedroom, in which was the dresser that held the jewelry, makeup and clothing that I played with as a child. It is the staircase coming into the house where the progression of my childhood pictures were displayed that I sat by awaiting my dad's return from his business trips, and the same stairs I climbed when I returned home from college. It's the shelves in the kitchen and the bedrooms that held all varieties of knick knacks and books that were built by my dad's hands at my mom's request. It's the dining table that came apart to grow larger for guests, but held just enough space for the three of us to dine together and talk about our days...and for my dad and I to argue politics over once I knew it all.

Do I miss the walls, the stairs, the table, and the window? Not really...what I miss is the life that was lived in them. When the heart is gone, and in this case it wouldn't have mattered which parent, the house no longer lives as a home. And so you leave, because it is painful to be in something that was once so alive and is no longer. And you try to create new life and new memories. But I have learned one thing - you can't ever recreate home. My home had a life I can never get back. I do hope, though, that one day I can create one anew with my heart as the center of a new home.

Homo Sapiens...the next endangered species???

2008-05-28T21:30:00.000-04:00

So...it has been a long long time since I've sat down to write. But I'm back. What is it that brings me back, you say? The radio. No, no...not music or talk radio, but something I heard on the radio from a caller.

If you listen to the radio at all, you know that people will sometimes call in with questions or dilemmas. Sometimes, they are actually worth pondering. The caller tonight, however, just made me sad in terms of thinking about the survival of our species, at least as moral beings.

The dilemma was this: her young son went to the zoo, and brought home a frog which happens to be an endangered species. Whether he meant to or not is unclear. Her dilemma? What do I tell my son now that he's had it a few days and is attached to it? Ummmm...am I the only one who is mystified by this? HELLO!!! GIVE IT BACK! Why is this a dilemma? If I had brought home anything that did not belong to me, intentionally or not, I would have been marched straight back to return it as soon as humanly (and institutionally) possible! The boy has kept it a few days and is attached to it?

Listen, I'm not a parent, but I hope to be one someday. I can't think of a single instance in which this situation would not have been resolved that day or the next. But...let's say I had an out of body experience and I was such a big softie that I let my kid keep an animal that is from the zoo and endangered (I mean an out of this universe out of body experience). What then? Oh, yeah...when my body crashed back to reality, I'd tell the kid I was wrong and that together we'd be making a return trip to the zoo to unload what is not rightfully ours to begin with. And this time, we're not going to be taking backpacks.

And that's how I see it...at least for now.

Grace in the Smallest Moments

2007-09-13T11:14:00.001-04:00

I never noticed until the other day, how many of the most profound revelations come to me while I am in my car. Granted, the flip side of that is how many failed moments of anger and frustration abound there too... But that's not the focus for today! :)

Perhaps it is that I spend so much time in my car, often driving the same routes, that the smaller things become clearer. After all, God is with us in our day wherever we are, and I just happen to be in my car! As I was driving the other day, after writing the last blog, mired in the mundane, a brilliant sunburst broke through the clouds, and the majesty of God was breaking through the monotony that had filled my spirit. It was as if God was saying to me, "Okay, I heard you, but you're crazy - look at this brilliance! How can life on my creation be mundane?!?" Ok, God, I hear you loud and clear. And yet...how does the song go? I get knocked down, but I get up again? Well, perhaps I got up, but got knocked down again.

For a few nights following that, I lost sleep over senseless nightmares, but ones that chilled my soul enough to make me afraid to fall back asleep. Heck, the first night I even grabbed my rosary and woke up realized I'd grasped it in my hand the rest of the night. I haven't thoroughly read enough of the saints to know if that kind of fear was kindred to their dark nights of the soul, but it was definitely in mine. It wasn't until I'd reached utter exhaustion that I was able to find peace and sleep solidly through the night.

In so many ways, that is our relationship with God. It isn't until we have completely broken ourselves down that we can listen...it is in that breaking that we surrender. And yet, in other ways, it's in the smallest details on a daily level that God breaks through. It came to me as I was driving my fairly normal morning commute and listening to the radio. I got a new phone recently, so every little sound that comes that isn't instantly recognizable as part of the song playing makes me reach for my phone. As I was doing this repeatedly, and realizing that at no time was it my phone, it hit me. I was hearing new details in songs I'd heard a thousand times - new background instruments, smaller tones.

And then the moment reached deeper - this was how God reached us too. We see the same sunrise, the same changing of the leaves, we spend time with the same people, listen to the same Scriptures over and over. In that repetition, we allow things to become mundane because we stop seeking - we hit a wall where we think we know the matter completely. But God, in his infinite wisdom and love, gently reveals Himself more intricately, uncovering the tiniest nuances that hit us when we least expect it. Be it that sunburst that shone out of the sky on that Sunday drive, or the ability to dig deeper into myself and give more when I feel empty, to see a familiar face in a new way, or whether in reading the same words I've read a hundred times I find comfort and solace in a new sense of divine kinship with Christ, the mystery of God continues to unfold.

So although the large "a-ha!" moments are magnificent in themselves, perhaps the greater brilliance lies in all the collective little moments where the glory of God speaks in tiny fragments, each of them revealing a fuller glimpse of the loving relationship between us and our awesome God - Father, Son and Spirit...

Pride goeth before a fall...

2007-09-09T16:36:00.000-04:00

Yes, yes, I know it has been what seems like eons since my last post. It's just not been a month where I've felt reflective at all. Rather, ever since the now infamous ailment, I've been batting away the urge to withdraw completely. Between a hectic schedule, seasonal allergies, and a house that just won't stay clean, I can't say that life has lent itself to much contemplation. Every time I sit down to reflect on things, it seems that I end up at the wrong end of a dark alley.

That's not to say that life hasn't been filled with blessings. I recently celebrated my birthday, and though the day itself was frought with the chaos of life, the event left me in awe of the generous souls in my life who share their love and care with me. Unfortunately, this has not in any way, shape or form increased my desire to add any extroverted time to my schedule and actually coordinate a gathering or party. Sorry, dear friends, but I think this year will have to go uncelebrated en mass. Other blessings abound as well, as I am still very happily employed, showered in love, and at this moment, in good health!

Even so, I discover that at times like this, where I am unable to let go and surrender to the quiet to attain a bit of divine serenity, the negative forces around me well up within like a geyser waiting to explode. Luckily, I'm at least now able to contain those explosive moments to the solitude of my own home. Nonetheless, they leave me remorseful. I wonder if my irritation with another's condescension is simply an incongruity in personality traits or my own pride unable to let go of the need to be in control. And is another's wavering commitments really the issue, or is it rather my own selfishness leading to an inability to "go with the flow"?

In the end, I find that I am perhaps just tired, mired in the mundane repetitious duties of the "adult life," waiting for those moments that take my breath away (and there truly are many), hoping I am able to notice them through the clouds that may be lurking.

But for now, I'm off to work...

Viral to the Extreme

2007-08-11T13:56:00.000-04:00

So...I've been absent from Blogland for a long long time it seems. After all, the final installment of Harry Potter has long been read, discussed, re-read, rehashed and put to rest for now. It seems however that between my crazy schedule at home and a trip to visit a friend in Ohio, my body decided it was time to rest. A "viral syndrome" the doctor called it, even after taking 8 gallons of blood. I'm pretty sure she was actually dracula and that I was her unsuspecting, weakened victim.

Seriously, though, it reminded me of my dad - not the sickness, but the diagnosis. He was a big believer that when doctors have no idea what is going on, they test you, poke you and tell you it's a virus. I'm with you dad, I'm with you...

But, that is old news, and I am back. All that resting gives a gal a lot of time to think, though I must admit it was weakened thinking between the "I'm cold!" and "I'm hot!" Thanks to some good advice, the suffering moments were less intense when I refocused my thoughts to those who suffer far more than I and need my prayer and my sacrifice. I had recently bought a new crucifix which was hanging on my wall right across from where I lay, and I must admit, I think I had some rather lucid conversations with it as well. No worries, Jesus did not come up off the cross in a hallucination, I promise.

What this episode made me realize, though, is that if I don't take time off to rest and re-energize, my body will make time, and not in ways I'd prefer. It comes down to priorities - I cannot be all things to all people, not even at work. It's a matter of putting into practice the belief that it's not all about me (though when I'm sick, I admit I might lose that perspective), and that I am not the answer to all the world's problems. I'm here on earth to share the gifts I have, but also to identify and empower others to share their gifts. Part of that is realizing when I cannot share what I have, simply because I need to take time to regroup, be it mentally, spiritually or physically.

It's not about getting old, it's about getting smarter with my resources. I'm a steward not only of the material gifts God has given me, but of my own talents and body. If I don't take care of what I have, I won't have anything left to share, and then where does that leave me...or my quest to share Christ with the world? So, from this point forward, I know I'm going to disappoint some people by pulling back and not giving my 150% - I'm going to have to learn to live with that. In the end, though, what I give will be stronger and more focused, and I think that is far more important. Now I just have to remember all this when the schedule starts filling up again... :)

More blogs to come now that I'm back, but that's all for this installment. Keep on rockin' the world folks!

T-Minus 9:45 for the Beginning of the End

2007-07-20T14:05:00.000-04:00

...for Harry Potter that is. Only a short wait until midnight when the book is released to what will undoubtedly be a mad rush of those who have awaited this moment with avid anticipation. Laugh all you want, but I will be among them...within reason of course. No costume, and no camping out...and really, no waiting 2 hours for the book. I can always go back tomorrow if it looks like the line will take forever.

Only a few more moments until the questions we've been asking are answered. I've steered clear of reviewers and those who couldn't wait to provide spoilers...(they're call spoilers for a reason - they SPOIL our enjoyment...so seriously, don't be such a spoilsport!)

For instance, what/where are the remaining horcruxes?

Is Snape really working for Voldemort or is he still loyal to the Order?

Are they returning to Hogwarts at all, or will Harry really not return?

Will Mr. Dursley's head (or Dudley for that matter) explode? (though I suspect that is just an amusing inquiry on my part)

Yes, yes, and will the "boy who lived" die in the end? (though I for one am more interested in the plotline than the eventual outcome right now...)

And finally, my real burning question, more important than all the rest...how long will I have to wait among underage wizards in costume to get my book? That, my friends, is the real question.

A Taste of Americana

2007-07-20T13:06:00.000-04:00

Baseball, apple pie and hotdogs...that is what we should have had for dinner before sitting in the park last night listening to the community orchestra. As we were walking to and fro, getting our "small" frozen yogurts at the Dairy King (not to be confused with the Dairy Queen mind you), we noticed a small community orchestra set up to play in the town park, most appropriately, a town square in fact. Approaching the scene, complete with an old fashioned popcorn cart, JW quite rightly observed that in front of us sat a real life picture-perfect portrait Americana at its best.

With the kids running about while parents set up their lawn chairs, we decided to pop a squat on a park bench along the edge of the sidewalk. I must confess, I felt a little bit like the Gilmore Girls at that moment with the banter that often surfaces when JW and I are out - set in a town square only made it more Gilmore-esque. And true to form, small town America came to life (though a bit on the Wonderbread side of American life - we couldn't lie about that). Starting off with the National Anthem, the orchestra showcased its younger community members, high school and college students pursuing musical dreams. Meanwhile, little boys chased the girls, soccer balls were kicked around and the fountain sprayed on as it should on a nice summer evening.

Old and young alike, blankets strewn, bikes parked, dogs on a leash, strollers set aside...for an evening the cares of the world were gone. Children (and their parents) ran with wild abandon, enjoyed a bucket of popcorn, just took in the sights, sounds and smells of the evening. The earlier storm had left a cool breeze and billowy clouds that ignited the imagination - I'm pretty sure I saw a cloud that looked like a dog...or a dog that looked like a cloud. Above the symphony arose squeals and laughter from the exuberance of youth that outlasted us on that park bench. So off we went, back into our lives, stepping out of what would have surely inspired another Norman Rockwell masterpiece. Apple pie aside (and the baseball game won by sundown), a peaceful calm and joy took over the scene, if only for a moment. It is a moment to be cherished, for certain.

It Was a Pride & Prejudice Weekend

2007-07-16T15:29:00.000-04:00

Though the image above was not the particular one the priest referenced during his homily this past weekend, it was as close to the image that I could find. The photo that had been etched in his memory forever was from a small gazette - it was of a black woman shielding a KKK member from harm when an angry mob had formed to retaliate against him. This was the photo he had us imagine as we placed ourselves back in time, into the story of the Good Samaritan, to understand exactly what the relations between the different segments of society were. Now, perhaps the parallel is a little harsher than deserved, but it most definitely provoked thought.

How many of us would defend another's life, especially a person who we were certain would not only not defend us, but would do us harm if given the chance? I must admit, it gave me a moment's pause. The image above was the first and only one I could find that was even remotely similar to the story I heard. As I was searching endlessly, the images that came up were horrific - I literally became nauseous at the sight of them, and was quick to delete my computer history. Could I turn around, then, and love a person that evoked such reactions? If we are to remain true to the Gospel teaching, that is exactly what we are called to do (though it might more closely follow Matthew 5:43 than the Good Samaritan story). Holy cow!

Again, I go back to that soft image of Jesus that we see portrayed so often today. It is not a "soft" Jesus that challenges us to love in this radical and completely selfless way. It is a man who knew what it was to pour out his life in love for people who beat him, spat upon him, and sentenced him to death. In short, He calls us to do no less than Him, but He also walks with us and gives us the grace we need if we are open to it. That's a big "if" in some moments of great risk...

As indicting as it was of our own prejudice and faithlessness, that was not the only thought to penetrate the Sunday morning haze in my mind. Going beyond your average Good Samaritan story analysis, the next person we were asked to imagine ourselves in the place of was the injured man. The next question: how often do we allow ourselves to be helped? In a culture that demands independence and individualism, the question is not only whether we help others, but whether we allow others to help us in a time of need.

It becomes a matter of ego and pride to say we can do it all, all the time. To be faithful to the community of Christ and our interconnectedness, it is just as important to humble ourselves and allow others into our vulnerability as it is to extend ourselves beyond our limitations to lift up another. It is a give and a take, or the community does not function. Again, I admit that I have my own failings in this regard as well. Faith doesn't always call us to be strong - sometimes it calls us to be broken, to share in the cross of Christ, to allow Christ to lift us up to redemption. That is humbling and often difficult in a society where we are taught that weakness is bad and we should "save face" at all costs.

So, the weekend began with an evening watching the 1995 A&E Pride & Prejudice with friends, during which time RB kept asking what was pride and what was prejudice. Well, I hope we answered him satisfactorily that evening. I, for one, had to re-think the whole matter after these thoughts rested awhile in my soul...

It's a Beautiful Day!!

2007-07-13T16:44:00.001-04:00

[Imagine Bono's dulcet tones here...or listen to them for real HERE (no need to download, just push play)!]

Ok, ok, I'm not really going to discuss the merits of the song either musically, philosophically, theologically, or any other "-ally." I'm just saying it is a gorgeous day outside. One of those perfect, not too hot, not too cold, crisp-bright-blue-sky-with-cottony-billowy-bright-white-clouds kind of day.

It's days like these that make me realize that I should always carry my camera with me. I was fortunate enough to be able to take an afternoon walk down a gravel trail in the middle of town, and though it was a short one, the beauty of creation still left me in awe of God. Experiences like that leave me a little torn - do I just let myself soak in the grandeur or do I try to capture one miniscule iota of it on film so I can always remember it? Today the clear (and only) choice was the first.

Taking a moment to breathe in the summer-scented air, revel in the cool shade of the trees, listen to a babbling brook (see? I'm not the only thing that babbles), gaze through the translucent waters of the "river" - to experience the harmony of nature and know that I am a special part of it, grander than all the grandeur of the rest of creation - that is a humbling thought. Moments like these remind me that I should make time for more moments like these.

To immerse myself in even a half hour of God's creation unveils a new perspective on the world, though that perspective may not last as long as I like, or as it should. It does, however, remind me that everything, everything, is a gift from God. The coffee in my mug, the mug itself, the roof over my head, the chair I sit in, this computer - every last bit of it is a gift that comes forth from the gift God gave us in creation. Without that first moment, everything else would cease to be.

As much as these "things" are gifts, how much more so the people in our lives. After all, creation was made complete by the creation of man and woman - made in the image and likeness of God, though not Gods in themselves. How mindblowing and awesome a notion! Certainly makes a gal wonder if the choices she makes, from spending her money to spending her time and energy, are worthily reflecting that image and likeness.

It's a great relief to know that through the generosity of love from God in his Son, I don't have to get it right all the time or right away. The point is that my heart should be striving for perfection. And a day like today reminds me that perfection in that sense is often found in simplicity. It is in the simplest things that wonder and awe, and the grace of our Lord, are often showered upon us, quite apart from our own doing.

Extra, Extra, Read All About It!!

2007-07-13T15:38:00.000-04:00

I always seem to be a little ... disappointed ... with the focus of the news media (let's face it - a lot of it is freakin' depressing and not a great portrait of modern humanity, not to mention it's slightly yellow color these days!). Since we are called to spread the Good News, you can hopefully understand why this becomes frustrating. So, in fairness to the newsmedia, I thought I'd highlight a news article that shows us a more generous picture of life in America.

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Consider this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each must do as already determined, without sadness or compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. Moreover, God is able to make every grace abundant for you, so that in all things, always having all you need, you may have an abundance for every good work. As it is written: "He scatters abroad, he gives to the poor; his righteousness endures forever."

The one who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You are being enriched in every way for all generosity, which through us produces thanksgiving to God, for the administration of this public service is not only supplying the needs of the holy ones but is also overflowing in many acts of thanksgiving to God. Through the evidence of this service, you are glorifying God for your obedient confession of the gospel of Christ and the generosity of your contribution to them and to all others, while in prayer on your behalf they long for you, because of the surpassing grace of God upon you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

2 Corinthians 9:6-15

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Pizza Hut Waitress Gets $10,000 Tip

July 13, 2007
from ABC's Good Morning America

Photo credit: ABCNews

It was just a typical day on the job at the Pizza Hut in Angola, Ind., for 20-year-old Jessica Osborne when out of the blue, she received a gift that would change her life: a $10,000 tip from one of her customers. "When I opened it up, I just — I thought maybe I read too many zeros and I lost my breath," Osborne said on "Good Morning America." "It was amazing."

The tip of a lifetime came from a family of regular customers. Every Friday, Becky and her family, who asked that their last name not be used, come in and order the same thing: a Meatlovers pizza, half pepperoni, half black olives and mushrooms. Becky said Osborne always came to the table with a smile on her face. "She was sweet and bright and cheerful and never complained," Becky said. "She was just a sweet waitress."

But Osborne had recently been let down by financial troubles that were keeping her ambitions at bay. She had enrolled in a local college but was forced to withdraw because of a lack of financial aid. She told Becky's family about the textbooks she had bought and kept in the trunk of her car and her dreams to become a photographer.

"I thought, 'This is a very generous person,'" Becky said, "and we enjoyed just talking to her, finding out about her life."

Osborne got to know Becky and her family through their weekly pizza dinners, but she didn't realize that they had recently suffered a great tragedy. Becky's husband and eldest daughter were killed in a car accident, and she had been left with a large settlement. Once Becky heard about Osborne's broken dreams, she decided to use some of the money from the settlement to make them come true. "We decided we needed to help Jessica and she was there, we were there, and it just seemed like the right thing to do," Becky said.

Osborne is deciding where to go to school, relieved that she now has the money to pay for it. For now, she's still getting over the shock of the much more than 15-percent tip. "It's unbelievable. It doesn't happen to people every day," she said. "I mean, I work at Pizza Hut!"

God's Favorite Team??

2007-07-11T11:15:00.000-04:00

( Some other funny comics can be found at www.inthebeginningcomics.com)

Hmmm, I know many a Detroit Tigers fan (and fans of other teams I'm sure) who'd be in agreement with God's sign...though perhaps not the foam finger. ;)

Rest, oh Weary Soul...

2007-07-10T22:57:00.000-04:00

Ever have one of those days that just starts out so strangely that you have an odd feeling you can't shake all day? That's life today... I've had a hard time putting my finger on what exactly has been gnawing at me. Is it fear? Kind of. Is it sadness? A little. But it's not really any one emotion, I suppose - just a very unsettled feeling.

It could well just be the fact that I was awoken by the fighting of my neighbors this morning well before my usual moment to rise and shine, and the fact that the drama continued for hours into the day. I think as far as that goes, it's more the internal struggle of what my role is as their physical neighbor. On the one hand, I don't want to get involved - it really is not my business. But on the other hand, I feel called to do something. It just doesn't seem right to sit next door and listen to it all happen. I'm at a loss, truly, and maybe that is where the bit of sadness comes from.

Part of me also wonders how long life can be as good as it has been. I know, I know, God is good and unbelievably gracious, so it can continue to be good for far longer than I can imagine. And certainly, my perspective on the "good life" has changed over the years! Still, perhaps it is from watching another's life fall apart, but it begins to shake my faith in what I know of life.

I suppose these are the moments in which prayer is the only way out, moments where all you can do is rest in Jesus and realize that it is out of your own hands, and in His, and that is ultimately more satisfying than anything else. Still the fear remains, feeding on years of old bad habits of doubt and self-loathing. It's a comfort to know that the saintliest of saints had the same doubts. I know that it comes from a place that is not of God, and they say knowing is half the battle.

So as I lay down my weary head tonight, I pray that the morning will chase away the darkness of fear and sadness. A new dawn brings a new spirit of hope, and I just pray that others may begin to know the hope that lies in a faith in Christ. I can't imagine living in this world without that faith to be my rock.

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that
I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire
in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I
may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be
lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"

The Tarnished Golden Rule

2007-07-09T12:30:00.000-04:00

It's been less than a month since the Vatican issued their specialized 10 Commandments for Motorists, and let's face it - I'm not sure I've seen any effect! Ok, ok, I'm not really sure I expected any. And truly, it's not only on the road that the 10 Commandments or the Golden Rule no longer apply. Let me take you on a short journey through my travels the last few days.

Point of interest #1: Church parking lot/road. I found myself at a new parish yesterday (that shall go unnamed), and was trying to maneuver my way about the area. I'm already leary of parking lots because I am convinced that people purchase horse blinders and just bully their way through them with no regard to pedestrians or other vehicles, but a church parking lot I thought might be a little better. Ha! The joke was on me - there was one mode of operation for everyone, and that was "I'm getting out of here, you can wait!" Elderly pedestrians were dodging cars, and not one car let another one in. All this in a parking lot. As we got onto the road, one driver literally parked his/her car in the middle of traffic so they either had to hit them, or let them in. I understand it can be frustrating to wait to turn left, but there are other optional directions one can take on that road to ease the congestion. Wanting to avoid all possible collision, I went merrily on my way the other direction. No need for all that stress on a Sunday!

Point of interest #2: The grocery store. So you think that road rage only applies to cars? Heck no! I'm in the grocery store, and called my mom for what I thought would be a quick question on how to prepare a certain food. I had every intention of it being a short call, but found out during the conversation that she'd had to go to the ER. Quick call no more, much to my own chagrin. Well, apparently, my cart was not pulled the side enough as I was shopping and talking, but instead of simply asking me to move, which I gladly would have, a man actually rammed my cart with his to get it out of the way. My look of shock and horror only reached his wife, who smiled apologetically. Lucky for him I was on the phone...well, probably lucky for me too, or I would have acted in a way that would not have been how I'd ideally want to react. I found vindication however, later in the store when his cart was blocking my way. Not to gloat, but I did not ram his cart - I simply said excuse me, looked him straight in the eye, and went on my way. Oh, he knew...he knew. :)

Point of interest #3: I-75 Northbound. Again, I know the morning commute can be frustrating. But buddy, the sign on the side of the road says "70 mph" and when the left lane is already well exceeding that, I'm sorry if other drivers don't have much patience for you zigzagging through traffic cutting everyone off. At those speeds, 2 feet is not enough room to merge into a lane - even if you are in an SUV. And the next time you feel the need to cut off the last car in a line of cars, check your mirrors to see that waiting 2 extra seconds would have gotten you into the lane of your heart's desire without aggravating another driver and/or creating an accident. It's not all about you, even if you do have the bigger car.

I'll be back on the road in a little bit. While I'm sure there could be more stories to tell, I'll leave you with these few from the past 24 hours. You feel free to ponder your own moments and your own reactions. That's really all we can control, after all. :)

What a Wonder-full World...

2007-07-09T00:10:00.000-04:00

Not only did the 7-7-07 date elicit wedding glee from the enthusiastically engaged, but it also served as the release date of the New 7 Wonders of the World, voted on globally at the New7Wonders Foundation site. The Foundation was created in 2001 by Swiss adventurer Bernard Weber, with a mission to "protect humankind's heritage across the globe." This venture was part of an effort by Weber and others to raise awareness of the decay of many of our world's most significant monuments and man-made structures. Their hope is not only to recreate some buzz around some significant historical and anthropological sites, but to raise money to preserve and/or rebuild these wonders as well. Find out more about their efforts here.

Well, voting is now over, and you can find the revised, er updated, ummm...well, the New 7 Wonders here.

They are:
Chichén Itzá, Mexico
Christ Redeemer, Brazil
The Great Wall, China
Machu Picchu, Peru
Petra, Jordan
The Roman Colosseum, Italy
The Taj Mahal, India

The original Seven Wonders, chosen by Philon of Byzantium as a travel guide for fellow Athenians were:

The Lighthouse of Alexandria
The Temple of Artemis
The Statue of Zeus
The Colossus of Rhodes
The Hanging Gardens of Babylon
The Mausoleum of Halicarnassus
The Pyramids of Egypt

All had been built between 2,500 B.C. and 200 B.C., and only the Pyramids of Egypt remain. Sadly, not only were they not selected as part of the New7Wonders, they didn't even make the list of finalists.

Perhaps that, along with other concerns, led to a critical response regarding the project from UNESCO , the UN body for Culture. Among those concerns were 1)the desire of the foundation to rebuild and/or repair certain monuments, which would cause the destruction of the sites as a whole, and 2) the limiting of the voting to 7 sites, noting that cultural world has grown immensely from the time of Philon.

What do you think?

Where Have All the Parents Gone??

2007-07-08T22:44:00.000-04:00

Warning: Below resides unsolicited advice and comments about parenting by me, admittedly not yet a parent. There. Now you know.

So, the past two days have given me pause to think about what may be my parenting future. No, no, not in the sense of questioning whether I want children, please - do you not know me at all?? Rather, it's questioning whether my child will hate me because I will choose to be their parent first, and their friend second. Wondering whether my child will understand that what they want isn't always what is best for them, and that at the age of 3 or 4, they need not be little adults - they should be and be treated as children.

What, you may wonder, has given me cause to reflect about events which are not yet on the horizon? Observation, my friends...observation of parents who appear to be uninterested in being parents. Certainly, children should be given some freedom to develop their personalities, their creativity, and their talents. Call me crazy if you will, but I am not of the opinion that such freedom should be limitless. There is a difference between giving a child the freedom to run around outside at home and letting a child run around in a public place without making any attempt to shape their behavior in an appropriate way. For instance, church...I'm sorry, but it is not okay to let your child run around at will. At some point, they need to learn to be disciplined in their behavior - they need to learn where it is and is not okay to act in a certain way. Now, understandably, children are not going to always be silent and still. This doesn't mean that you don't make the attempt to correct and teach, or that you disregard the others around you because your child can do no wrong. Similarly, I would balk at the though of my child running around the mall, if for no other reason than safety alone!

As much as "letting kids be kids" doesn't mean giving them free reign to create mayhem, it does mean protecting them from influences that give them a false sense of maturity, especially the sexualization of children that I think occurs far too early these days. From clothing to music to television and movies, the images out there create far too sexual an image for children at too young an age. There is no reason - zero - that a child of five should be dressing in the same styles as someone in adulthood. Granted, some of the styles for adults are overly sexualized as well, but at least they have (well, ideally, anyway) a sense of what that sexuality is really for.

Some of this could be a result of the child star phenomenon. Even Disney these days seems to be selling its teens (girls at least) with minimal clothing and dance moves that certainly don't belong in a stage show with an audience predominantly between the ages of 5 and 9. What message do we send these girls when we say that is how you gain popularity and notoriety? Certainly not one I'd want my children to receive. And let's not get me started on ABC Family...there are hardly any shows on there that I would deem family friendly anymore. I'm not sure what their "new kind of family" is, but it is not one in whose image I would shape my family. Between the drinking, rampant casual sex, and other questionable moral messages, I'd hardly call it a family-friendly channel. Just because you put the word in there, ABC, doesn't make it true. But I digress...sorry!

So, here's what I think it comes down to. I think the main thing is knowing the difference between being a loving, doting parent and one who idolizes their children either from a false sense of love or a lack of an interest in raising the child. There is a difference between the ooohing and aaaahing of parents over something genuinely cute that a child does (which tends to be evenly mixed in with frustration and discipline), and creating a sense of stardom for the child where everything they do is revered. There is a difference between allowing a child the freedom to develop their sense of self, and giving them freedom without restraint that relieves you of any parental duty.

Having a child is a great responsiblity - it involves teaching, counseling, forming a conscience and being a protector. And as much as I look forward to that role in the future, I do not enjoy taking on that role in situations where parents have decided to neglect their own responsibility. If you're out somewhere and you don't feel like being a parent for the night, please don't bring the children along!

A Woman's Uterus: The New Microwave Oven

2007-07-03T14:49:00.000-04:00

As I was heating up my frozen dinner last night, little did I think that I would one day compare one of my organs to a microwave oven. I mean sure, there's the age old euphemism that refers to pregnancy as "having a bun in the oven," but I didn't ever think it might become somewhat literal! Shows you what I know. Science has once again mystified in its ... creative ... approaches to fertility and childbirth.

And yet, the Canadian scientific community can, in fact, now boast that it has birthed a thawed baby. Well, perhaps I am being aloof about what may be a significant scientific breakthrough, though its moral implications may not be as ingenius as the science behind it. It seems that scientists have successfully created a viable living infant from an egg which, taken from the ovary early, was matured outside of the woman's body, frozen and then later thawed and impregnated and put back into the woman to be brought to term. Talk about the truth being stranger than fiction! This would have made a great sci-fi movie way back in the day...

If I understand correctly, the purpose behind the procedure is to provide pregnancy options for women suffering from diseases that either prevent their eggs from maturing or destroy the mature eggs, such as certain types of cancers. Now, the results have not yet been replicated, and there is no indication that a pregnancy would be successful in a woman suffering from cancer, so the even the scientific jury is still out. And being that I'm not a moral theologian, I can't really make a definitive statement as to what the moral implications are based on our teachings and theology.

There are some notable differences between this new development and current fertility options, though, that make me think that our Church will need to put a little more thought behind any position it may take. For one, this procedure is done with one singular egg - there is no mass production of embryos that result in abortive procedures during the process. It is directly fertilized and then implanted, again, for the purpose of bringing this one child to term. No multiple births, and from what I have read, no hormone treatments to boost fertility.

The only objection(s) it seems to me from my limited understanding is(are) that it removes the physical act of intercourse, the unitive property of the act that calls forth the joining of man, woman and Spirit, and leaves the procreative potential to the hand of God. To me, this is certainly an important enough objection to give pause to any thought of promoting this new procedure. However, I do not live the lives of the women who may find themselves limited in their ability to bring forth life due to illnesses that are out of their control. This is a desire that is deeply embedded in so many a feminine soul, it really should not be lightly dismissed.

If what I understand of this new development is correct, there remains many a grey area as relates to ethics and morality. With so many other horrors out there, I wonder if there is room for helping women bring their own children to term, albeit in a rather unusual way, when it a)does not result in the loss of lives of other children and b) involves the biology of the married couple who are trying to have a child. I look forward to hearing what the collective wisdom of our Church has to say.

April Fool's Day in June?!?

2007-06-26T17:03:00.000-04:00

Perhaps you've heard that there will be a new Catholic glossary to help increase the average Catholic's literacy within Catholic-speak. Truly, I do think this is helpful, though I wonder if half the terms in there are really things that your every day Catholic would need or want to know. Who knows - perhaps it will come in handy when we create our own version of Catholic Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit. OOOH! Better yet - Catholic Scrabble! ;)

However, my real question is this: Given the news in a recent article by the Catholic News Service, will the term "chimera" be included? As defined in this article, a "chimera" is a human embryo implanted with animal cells. According to the Catholic bishops, chimeras should receive human status. No, I'm not kidding. This is not some 1970s science fiction film gone awry. This is based on a proposal under consideration in the British Parliament. (I'm still checking my calendar to see if we've gone back to April, though.)

The human embryo with 8 cells

Ok, now, I know I'm sometimes a little out of the loop. (Shhh! Yeah, you know who you are. ;)) But when in the name of all that is holy did it ever become okay to inject a human embryo with animal DNA? Am I missing something? Shouldn't the first reaction of the Bishops be "STOP IT!" Ok, perhaps the Bishops wouldn't yell. But I mean seriously! We now have a name for humanimal embryos? (One that conjures up images of horrifying mythological animal hybrids nonetheless...)

The Chimera - mythological animal mutant

Did I miss the article that explained why on earth this was ever done to begin with? In all likelihood, I'm sure I did. I just want to know why - why didn't I hear about it before now? [Not to open an old wound, but why am I reading about Lindsay Lohan again in the headlines instead of this?!?] I'm not a moral theologian - or any theologian for that matter. I shoot from the hip and go with my gut. And granted, I'm a little hungry right now, but this one just makes me queasy. Now, if you're talking some medical breakthrough that will vaccinate a child - okay...start talking and explain. However, in reading the article, that was not the sense I was getting. They did mention, however, that any splicing of a human egg/sperm with a non-human egg/sperm would continue to be prohibited... Genius. Sheer genius.

Anyone else feel a scene from MST3K coming on? Or perhaps the Bride of Frankenstein? Maybe a chorus from "Insane in the Membrane" would be more appropro. I'm really still hoping against hope that this is just a spoof - something illustrating that quirky British humor that I don't always get, but makes me laugh eventually just the same. Please, someone oh someone show me some purpose for this proposal that isn't just plain disturbing!

(Oh, and can you also answer me this? Why bring up gay adoption while discussing the creation of these chimeras and their rights as humans? Yes, I realize gay adoption is a rather sensitive topic in the Church right now, but really - putting that at the end of the same proposal that is talking about intermingling human and non-human DNA is a bit cheap and undignified.)

I'm floored, simply stunned...but clearly not speechless - sorry! :)

Signing off for now...
the Rakstar

Oui, oui, Paris!

2007-06-22T10:59:00.000-04:00

Sorry, no, this isn't really about French cities. And I know that a few posts back I said I'd try to refrain from ranting, but this is really just too much today. Am I to understand that NBC has offered Paris Hilton ONE MILLION DOLLARS for her first post-jail interview?? ONE MILLION DOLLARS? (I know, I'm beginning to sound like Dr. Evil - sorry!) Now, perhaps I expect this from tabloid journalists, but has NBC really sold out to that genre of journalism?

I'm sorry - I didn't realize that it was such an important news story. How silly of me. With the soldiers, mission workers, political leaders and activists out there working to make the world a better place, I got distracted from real news. Good gravy, Maevy! (And $1M will buy A LOT of gravy...and apparently our love for the Barenaked Ladies). But I digress.

With the economy in the state it is in, and inflation being what it's been over the years, you could argue that a million dollars might not really buy that much. Housing is more expensive, gasoline is going up, a dollar just doesn't buy us what it used to.

Try telling that to a kid who can't get clean water, when it costs only $2000-$5000* to install a small capacity well that would provide clean water for life.

Or maybe we could tell that to a small community struggling to feed and nourish its families, where $500* would buy a heifer to provide nourishment and hope out of poverty for an entire small community.

True, a million dollars might not buy much for us in terms of luxury, but it goes a long way for people who have so little. So, here's to you NBC - thanks for spending 2000 heifers or 250 water wells making certain that we hear the riveting story of Paris's transformation right out of jail. You think maybe next time I could just have the million dollars? It would save the world in more than one way!

Have ideas on how you'd spend a million dollars? Leave 'em here!

From MDOT to VDOT?

2007-06-19T23:25:00.000-04:00

Well, it looks like the Vatican is now taking on the role of Transportation Authority...or that is at least how the media would like it to look. Following the reports posted today on many online newsjournals about the issuance of the new "Ten Commandments" of Driving by the Vatican, readers have responded in an alarmingly hostile and critical way. Even some of my Catholic friends say the Vatican should be making reports on more important matters. I must admit, even my first thought was a critical, "Are you kidding me??"

Then I stepped back from the seeming ridiculousness of it all to realize that I should know better. This is not some spoof courtesy of the Vatican. The magisterium didn't sit around for a couple of years just to come up with these "rules." It's a teensy, weensy miniscule report based in the foundations of our own faith and the Gospel values centered in the life of Christ.

For those that all-knowingly assert that the Vatican should report on more important matters, perhaps their disdain would be better targeted at the popular media. There are hundreds of reports, advisories, comments and statements coming out of the Vatican office on a regular basis on matters of grave global importance - whether our political and media outlets ever read them is another matter. Matters related to poverty, racism, war, life and death issues - these are the items coming out of the Vatican daily. Yet, we don't see "front page" coverage. Clearly, it has no carnival appeal and wouldn't allow the inane to spout off. In fact, these reports and statements would actually call us to examine our lives and take action...no, it's much easier to print what is laughable.

Another...criticism...floating out there rather predominatly in the virtual comment arena is that this is yet another instance of the Vatican trying to control the Catholic populus, to dumb us down by blind obedience, old men merely trying to elicit a desired response. To them I say this with as much charity as possible: have you looked in the mirror? All the marketing, writing and "reporting" in our society today is doing exactly that, and yet, I contend that it is those elements that are looking for the blind response, and sadly, getting it.

Catholicism has never been about blind response. It is, was and remains a faith that calls us not only to closely examine ourselves, but to take active participation in a cause that began over 2000 years ago - the redemption of mankind. It calls us to live for the other, the least. It challenges us to go beyond our comfort, beyond our knowledge and to transform the world through Christ. Is the human face of the Church blameless? Of course not - it is after all human! Unfortunately, people focus on the humanity of people within the ranks and not on the divinely inspired nature of an organization that has lasted for over 2000 years despite war, famine and corruption. Somehow the evil is vanquished and the glory of God lives on - it sure isn't our doing!

This whole diatribe actually is precisely what the Holy Father spoke of in a recent address. As people of faith, we encounter an opportunity - God has always given us a choice. We can either choose to respond with hope and faith, seeking to understand the good, or we can choose to respond with skepticism, satisfied to mock and criticize. As the baptised faithful, we are called to be a people of hope, the light of the world. So, although I admit my first inclination was to question if such a statement was necessary, as I get on the road, I may actually think a little bit more deeply about how I live out my faith behind the wheel. And that, friends, is what I think the whole point of this report was about.

Oh, and for the "interesting" commenter on msnbc who felt that praying while driving would just mean more drivers with their eyes closed and hands off the wheel...look for a blog on the meaning of prayer as a relationship, not as a posture. :)

Just for kicks, here's a list of the other news headlines and statments coming out of the Vatican this week...I didn't notice any big headlines in our major news sources about them:

[2007-06-19] Pope Meets With Chrysosotomos II
[2007-06-19] Benedict XVI Mourns Death of Cardinal Felici
[2007-06-19] Vatican Speaks Up on Road Rage
[2007-06-19] Peace Day to Focus on Family
[2007-06-19] Director General Named for Vatican Bank
[2007-06-19] Mexico Introduces Euthanasia Legislation
[2007-06-19] Caritas Worker Killed in Darfur
[2007-06-19] Moving Away From Religion Toward Christianity
[2007-06-19] Why No Litanies at a Wedding
[2007-06-19] Pastoral Care of the Road
[2007-06-18] Spirit of Assisi Is Not Syncretism, Affirms Pope
[2007-06-18] Benedict XVI to Youth: Open the Doors to Christ
[2007-06-18] Pope Urges Franciscans to Proclaim Christ
[2007-06-18] Cardinal: Challenge Is Linking Culture and Faith
[2007-06-18] Marriage and Religion: a Package Deal
[2007-06-18] Abducted Priest Released in Baghdad
[2007-06-18] Catholic School and Convent Ransacked in Gaza
[2007-06-18] Faith, Reason and Bioethics

To see other Vatican reports, news, addresses and statements, visit http://www.catholicnews.com/, http://www.zenit.org/, or go straight to the Vatican at http://www.vatican.va/.

The Olsen Twins Turning 21?

2007-06-13T22:25:00.000-04:00

...waitaminute... hasn't one of them already been in rehab? Or am I confusing them with Lindsay and Britney? Wow, I think I might just have to go into intensive non-fiction-reading, documentary-watching, oolong-tea drinking therapy myself after admitting that I actually know about this. Of course, it's hard not to when these are the prominent headlines I see as I log onto my webmail.

Even when you actively try to shelter yourself from knowing more about these child-stars than you do your own family, those darn headlines sneak in from out of nowhere! I could go on a rant about how the "popular" media feeds us trivial "news that should not be news" when there are urgent stories out there about horrific human suffering that should command our attention, but well, I'm going to go for a different angle. I'm not going to rant at all, in fact. No, really!

To be honest, I kind of feel sorry for these gals. They were thrust into an adult world long before they reached adolescence, let alone adulthood. So in that sense, it's no wonder they are hurting and struggling as much as they are. Their sense of worth very early on was not centered around their dignity, but their ability to perform, to be desireable, and to bring home the bacon in some of their cases. It's the age old question about child stars - does that kind of exposure predispose them to a life that is less than virtuous? In an industry that certainly tends to promote dispensibility and living in the moment, is it any wonder that these kids get caught up in the tide?

Now, before you go thinking that I'm just a big softie, trust me, there are rants just dying to come out. Yet, as I begin to even think about letting them loose, I realize that if I do so, I become a part of the problem. The reason I am given the opportunity to judge these girls is that they happen to be on camera. It could just as easily be a friend or a loved one in trouble. The fact is that it shouldn't matter who it is - my first reaction should not be arrogant judgment.

Ideally, my first inclination should be to pray about how I can contribute to the solution. What can I do that will make a difference or make it easier for someone to recognize their worth beyond what a camera or screen tells them it should be? Granted, I can't sit down with Britney or the Olsen girls, but I can be actively involved in the lives of those around me. I can be sure that I affirm the beauty and dignity of their lives, that I reflect the love God has for each and every one of them. Most importantly, stories like these should, and do, make me examine how I live my own life. It's not a life lived without reproach, so pray for me as I pray for you, that every day might be one step closer to becoming who we are meant to be in the eyes of God. And don't forget to share that light of Christ in you - you never know who may need exactly the spark you've been given. Share it willingly, and share it often!

The Boy Who Lived...

2007-06-12T22:35:00.000-04:00

Many of you, (well, if anyone is reading this, then many of you) might recognize the title as a reference to Harry Potter. Now, before any chastizing begins, let me explain that I am not a crazy fan of the books and movies. Ok, now the chastizing can start, because I will admit that I am a fan. I know, I know, there was some scuttlebutt a few years ago about how Pope Benedict XVI was against reading the books. (Though the truth came out later that his statements were a response to a very specific letter he received and he did not condemn the books as a whole...funny how that happens.) I also hear the Pope doesn't like rock music, but that would be another digression, and I've already had one, and I really am trying to keep them to a minimum!

I suppose I understand the fear that the books promote the use of supernatural powers that may/may not exist, or somehow promote the use of dark powers. I can't dispute that there exists the possibility that someone might read the series and take an affinity for magic out of it, however, I'm not convinced that the fears are well founded given my experience amidst fans of the books.

As I began to read the books a few years ago (yes, I did actually hold out on the craze for a few years), what I found was a creative way to introduce the ideas of good and evil, the battle that exists between them, and the inherent value in giving of oneself for the benefit of others, even to the point of death. What I found was great discussion between readers of all ages, from youth to the aged, about the reality of those struggles set in the context of the life of a young boy no one really knew.

Clearly, at least I certainly hope it is clear, we as Catholics tell our story of Jesus Christ, Son of Man and Son of God, and the miraculous things he did, how he laid down his life out of love for a people who betrayed Him, and of course how He defeated death itself. That is the beautiful story we have to share. That does not however preclude others from creatively sharing stories that share common themes.

Dying out of love for another, being sealed with the sign of that deep selfless love and protected by it, being called to live for something greater than oneself, learning to die to self, to close our minds to evil, battling temptation and pride, trusting in true friendship...these are all storylines and character developments found in the series. Each of these are issues that young people struggle with and/or should be talking about. Given some of the other drivel that is out there, I'm for one glad that Harry Potter has caused a stir!

Should he replace a conversation about Christ? Well, of course not! What he can do, though, is offer another opportunity to talk about Christian ideals, open a door to talk about values that we don't see or hear enough of in today's society - at least not prominently displayed. So, as I wait for the final book and the fifth movie to come out, I say "hooray" for the "boy who lived" for refueling the discussion about values in popular culture, especially among the youth.

More importantly, though, I say, "Praise God!" that he sent his Son to be the Word made flesh, to live, suffer and die for us, and to rise again, defeating death and opening the door to eternity for us. In the midst of Harrymania, let's not forget to share our story - it is the greatest one ever told, after all. :)

My Comforter, My Hope...

2007-06-12T19:39:00.000-04:00

I was reading back over my last post and realized that a couple of ideas were let loose without much of a context. In reading through the beginning of my comments, it could seem that I am asserting that Jesus Christ is not a comforter. Now, clearly, I'm not talking down comforter here. My point was merely that the media has contorted that beautiful image of comfort into a Jesus that takes no stand at all, but comes to keep us comfortable where we are. That is not the comforter I know Christ to be.

Lately, I've been asked by more than one person who Christ is to me, what I would describe his relationship with me to be. Aside from "Lord," my first inclination is always to say Comforter, Consoler and Friend. So, the idea of a Christ that comforts is very much dear to my heart. Christ is one who comes to comfort when I am in distress, when I am weary, when I am nearing despair. He fills me when I am empty. A frequent image that comes to mind when I am deepest in prayer, just sitting in the presence of Christ, is me sitting at His side with my head on his shoulder.

I was sharing this with someone recently, and they likened it to the image of Jesus with the beloved disciple at the Last Supper, with the disciple resting his head on Christ's chest. In that same week, I was listening to someone speak at a conference, and he referenced that same relationship and image to encourage us to take time to be with Christ, to stop speaking long enough to just be with him. As I reflect on how that relationship develops, I wonder if those who become passionately embroiled in the business of sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ don't first get to know him as a Lord who comforts, heals and transforms.

I wonder if it is by that very healing and comforting that we begin to get a glimpse of a God who is with us always, in everything. Perhaps it is that encounter with Christ that begins to chip away at our tendency to relate to God as we relate to one another, never quite fully trusting because our human examples have somehow failed to live up to our expectations. Once we begin to experience His healing and His constant comfort, the fruits of promises kept (I'm told that there are over a thousand in the Bible...), perhaps we begin to open ourselves to the challenge He presents to grow closer to Him, to die to self, to love as God loves.

Of course we all have our inconsistencies and incongruencies of what we believe and how we live. The quest for holiness and sainthood is a constant battle to eradicate those differences. However, it never ceases to amaze me how many people claim a kinship with Christ, but don't allow themselves to be challenged by Him. Have we bought into the Jesus who says "Hey, you're okay," and leaves it there? Have we lost our connection to the Word made flesh?

Or is it just that leading an unexamined life, or rather a life unexamined by the principles of Christ, is so much easier that we have chosen to do the least possible to claim our faith? Perhaps it is not that we do not examine, but that we do not examine deeply or often enough - we are too easy on ourselves and others because we've become so weary of the daily stresses of life. We've become victim to the line of thinking that says we cannot change - we cannot change ourselves because of how we were raised, what society tells us, etc etc etc., and we certainly cannot change the world given the state of our own lives.

Christ tells us differently. In Matthew 11:28, Christ invites us to find refuge in him when the world seems too much. "Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Who are we to claim that life is just too hard? Jesus, the man who was condemned to death, who has become our Savior, the one through whom death was conquered, calls us to him in those moments. Christ, our Comforter, promises us respite from the storm. In exchange, he asks only one thing - everything. Daunting? You bet! Are we alone in it? Heck, no! His promise of comfort and respite is everlasting. "I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you," he promises us in John 14:18.

We have only to share our walks with Christ, to witness to the miracles He has done in our own lives to know that His promises are more lasting than...Twinkies (or something that lasts a really long time - I'm not a scientist, so someone would find fault with whatever element I entered here). So, if we find ourselves weary and in doubt, perhaps it is the time to sit with Christ, our Comforter and our Hope before we can hear and answer Christ our loving challenger.

Still Thirsty After All These Years...?

2007-06-07T13:43:00.000-04:00

What is it that young people are seeking, those who find solace in what others call the Church of the past? Perhaps it is a deeper connection with the Jesus of the Gospels, not the Jesus that has been hijacked by the media. Jesus of Nazareth was a rebel, a countercultural rabblerouser who challenged the status quo because the status quo had fallen away from what God had intended for mankind.

Often times we see a Jesus of comfort portrayed in Church and in media. The Jesus who says I love you just as you are, but leaves out the Jesus who says, but I call you to come further with me and be better. Have we shaped Jesus in the image of a man who will help us achieve our own political and moral ends, or do we still have a connection the the Jesus who resides fully in the Gospel, the Jesus who came so that we may have life and have it abundantly??

The more often I read the Gospels and the more I live and see of the world, I am beginning to believe that Christ has been hijacked (much like our solemn feasts, but that's a whole different story!). Yes, Christ does in fact love us - I don't for one second want to insinuate that this love is either conditional or false. What I want to do is look at what it really means - what does Christ's love mean in our lives?

We use the word love in American society as loosely as we do everything else. It is not a word used with care, and it has become tainted. The love that Christ gives is a gift, and though it does not come with conditions, it does come with challenges. To live in and for the love of Christ calls us to task more often than we would like. Yet, in our post-modern culture, love of a person has come to mean that challenging them to do better is to not affirm the person they are. If we are, as Catholics and Christians to pattern our life after Christ's love, that kind of love dishonors the heritage of Love we share.

The Jesus of the scriptures was not tolerant. He was compassionate and merciful, yes. He ate with sinners, he suffered with his friends and with strangers. What he did not do, however, was tolerate attitudes and behaviors that maligned God. "Go and sin no more" was always the challenge.

The Jesus of the scriptures was not unconditionally accepting and affirming. Yes, He always accepted and affirmed the inherent dignity and worth of every person, created in the image and likeness of His Father, but not always did he accept or affirm their behaviors.

The Jesus of the scriptures had righteous anger. Jesus called people to task. Christ's first concern was not being liked - it was converting hearts to a deep and true love of God. He was not popular by our standards, but he was always authentic and those who were able to strip themselves of their own pride and understanding were drawn to Him and the Truth and mercy He shared.

Our young people are no different. They are reacting now in the same way. The freedoms and joys promised by the sexual revolution, individualism, materialism, commercialization and the relativism of "I'm okay, you're okay" have not been realized. Instead of leading to greater happiness, those promises have led to a more chaotic struggle. Our young people are often finding that they are not okay, that they continue to search and thirst for something to fill a void in their lives.

What they seek are the timeless Truths, that which has stood firm against the test of time and criticism, the rock amidst the storm. They are seeking fulfilled promises, unconditional love and unending peace. What they are realizing for themselves is that there is one person throughout all of history who can give them what they are seeking - Jesus Christ.

Make no mistake, though. "The Way Things Were" is not their anthem song. This is not a regression in the deep recesses of the past in an effort to relive tenets that we've long since abandoned. It is a reclaiming of the faith that went before them, traditions and adherences that were brushed aside in the tide of change but never restored fully. It is discovering the past and infusing it into a faith that is constantly growing.

So...what is it we/they seek? I think it can be summed up pretty simply. They are not looking for a feel-good faith - they are seeking what is good.

Promises, Promises...

2007-06-06T22:17:00.000-04:00

So, like I said, I'm not yet sure what theme this blog will end up having. I do know that I should not promise to write everyday - given my track record, that would just be a promise emptier than Christ's tomb.

So, what can I promise?

Well, for one thing, this will be from the heart, going wherever the Spirit leads me to go in word. It may not be knowledgeable or wise, but it will be authentically me. So, expect a little humor, however poor, and some rambling thoughts. No, really, trust me. Perhaps in the end, a little bit of wisdom might shine through, or at least something that sticks with you and makes you think a little harder and love a little deeper.

Other promises? It's gonna be centered in Christ, so it won't be that random. It is my faith that shapes my world, my faith in Christ's promises that is my foundation, so it would be unthinkable to come from any other angle. My life, my love, my work, my everything...all a gift from Him. I'm not saying I'm perfect...I'm far from it. But I am committed to living my life as a gift in honor of and to Him, no matter how much I fail from time to time. So, it'll be life as I know it, and in my life, Christ is the heart.

More promises? Heck, I have no idea! My life has been quite a journey so far, so I guess I'm just inviting you to come into the ride with me. I fully intend to live my life to leave a mark, though I have no idea how that will happen. I have every faith it will though, if I continue to speak from the heart and act from a love deeper than my own.

We've all got something to share - some little pearl of wisdom, be it infused in us by the Holy Spirit, or something we inherited from Great-grandma Betty. I'm convinced that I spend half my life afraid to give voice to the little whispers in my heart. I suppose this is one way for me to start leaving that fear behind, letting that fire that burns within begin to light the darkness that surrounds us. If it does nothing more than make you think, that's okay. At least I have done my part and proclaimed out loud the ponderings within.

Live out loud, shine brightly, leave no stone unturned, and indeed we might just rock the world.

..this blog will have a real title

2007-06-06T17:51:00.000-04:00

Not yet, though! I've yet to figure out exactly what it is I want to tell the virtual realm. So, until then, hold on, world - there's more to come!